Conveying the Good About Others
Dr. John Townsend highlights the “relational nutrient” of conveying the good about others in his book People Fuel. Townsend observes that our brains are particularly attuned to important emotional information about ourselves. When we “hear the good” from other family or team members (p. 103), our connection and bond with one another is strengthened. So if you see something good, say something.
This Thrive in 5 presents 5 ways to convey the good about others that will “[help] them feel more positive about themselves and their lives.” (p. 105).
- Townsend defines affirmation as “noticing a quality in a person, or an achievement of theirs, which required effort on their part” (p. 106). A helpful affirmation is attached to effort. You affirm something (task or quality) that someone did with intention and focus. The words of the Master to the faithful servant are a prime example of a solid affirmation (Matt. 25:23). Transforming affirmations are specific; they describe what the person said or did. For example, instead of “good job”, try “Your Sunday morning announcements made the congregation sit up and take notice of the needs in our community.” Who on your ministry team or in your family can you affirm today? Who offers you transforming affirmation?
- Townsend notes that encouragement is required in the face of discouragement. When someone on your ministry team has an “empty tank”, they need encouragement. Words that encourage are also tied to reality. Perhaps you observe the effort someone put into a task even if the outcome wasn’t exactly what was hoped for. Discouragement is nipping at the heels in this case. Words of encouragement underline every true and authentic belief that you hold about the other person. Your words won’t change the outcome, but they will lighten the heart (Heb. 10:24-25). Who needs your encouragement today? To whom can you turn when you need encouragement?
- Respect is “honor or assigned value” (Townsend, p. 109). When we respect someone, they hold a special place in your mind and heart (Rom. 13:7, I Pet 2:17). In the face of challenging times, words that convey respect helps others maintain a positive view of who they are in God’s eyes, and in your eyes, too. We can respect a person’s character and the quality of their decision-making. We can also respect another person’s freedom to choose (and to live with the consequence of their choice). Who has earned your respect on your ministry team? Have you told them about your respect?
- Hope. Townsend observes that “hope focuses on the future [and] provides reality-based confidence in a positive outcome down the road” (p. 111). Hope is like a battery that keeps us moving forward. Reality based hope evokes optimism and perseverance. Words of hope can highlight “way-power” and “will-power.” Way-power names the processes that can lead to a desired outcome. “Will-power” names the endurance that one brings to see a task or plan through to the end. Scripture’s hopefulness is reality-based and grounded in the character of God (Is. 40:31). Who on your team needs your words of hope? When you are discouraged who refuels your hope tank?
- Townsend describes celebration as “the acknowledgment of a win, both cognitively and emotionally” (p. 116). Celebration is not only good for the soul, it is good for the body. The brain releases “feel good” endorphins when we celebrate. Celebration requires that we be “in the moment” – not planning the future or ruminating about the past. Celebration reinforces the likelihood that we will repeat the actions that lead to the celebratory event and it builds connections among the celebrants. When the prodigal son returned home, the Father threw a great celebration (Luke 15:23). When was the most recent time you celebrated with your family or ministry team?
Resources:
John Townsend, People Fuel, Chapter 8 Quandrant 2: Convey the Good. Zondervan.
John Townsend Interview, https://youtu.be/YLuYyOamNPo?si=vvKMU3Xl7sgiyEUy
100 Words of Encouragement, https://www.verywellmind.com/words-of-encouragement-8549207
The Science and Power of Hope (TED talk) https://youtu.be/qt0fRSx5Kl4?si=PlqZ75Zu38FS6BEi
The Power of Respect. https://www.ccl.org/articles/leading-effectively-articles/the-power-of-respect/
Relational contributor: Virginia T. Holeman, PhD., LMFT, LPCC, Retired Chair of the Department of Counseling and Pastoral Care, Asbury Theological Seminary
Executive editor: Johanna Chacon Rugh
Curator of content: Carla Working
